I saw my mom last Friday, the 17th. I was looking forward to spending home one-on-one time with her, but she had distant family visiting from Norway that I didn't know was coming. Some relatives she grew up with in Iran that I had never met. And because her memory and planning is not so good anymore, she hadn't realized that she had double-booked her Friday. This is something that I have had to get used to in the past year. It happens quite a lot.
It was a fun day, but not what I expected. I tried to spend some time with just my mom by asking her to go on a walk with me. Here's a picture of my mom from our walk on Friday:
But she got tired very quickly, so our walk didn't last long.
The next day, my mom, dad, and sister went to Arizona for a few days to visit with one of my mom friends and one of my childhood friends. So I didn't see her for a few days. They got back on Tuesday, but this week was MidTerm week for me and I had a MidTerm on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (today).
And now it's been a week.
I had told myself that I would see my mom at least twice a week. But that obviously isn't working.
It makes me really sad. I often feel like there is no way that school is more important to me than my mom. I'd much rather be spending my time with my mom than in class or studying. But I know staying in school is the right thing to do. I just wish it weren't.
I hate the fact that I will feel so guilty when she's gone that I spent so much of my time doing school stuff.
I hope to god college will be worth it.
But then again, I keep telling myself I should put all of the blame on myself. My mom seems to be constantly busy. Everyone wants to spend time with her. Last weekend she was in Arizona. This weekend she and my dad are going down to Santa Cruz for a meditation retreat.
I just miss my mom. I moved back to California for her. And yet I feel like I don't see her any more often than if I were still back in Chicago.
Spend the time you can. You are doing a great job by being there and wanting to be involved! Talk to your parents about how much time you need and they need. At some point "talking to your parents" may become "talking to your dad." (you know this, but i'm reminding you because you aren't alone.) It sounds like your mom is still scheduling her own life, and I think that is a good thing! She sounds like a Feisty Lady! But yes, the failing short term memory is not good for scheduling. One thing that really helped my dad stay organized was a small whiteboard in the kitchen. He wrote the day of week and date, and then upcoming appointments (doc and social ones) for the week.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom was first diagnosed, my first reaction was that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. Then I thought, well, my parents need to have their time and space too (without me around). Your mom sounds like a vibrant woman who has lots of people who care about her, and that is a great thing! It is hard to share a mom, but it is wonderful to see how she has touched so many lives.
I hope this helps -- I just want you to know you aren't alone.
Thank you so much. You definitely have helped me understand things.
DeleteYou're also very right about my mom. She's certainly a Feisty Lady! That's what people call her.
I bought her a white board awhile ago that we keep in the kitchen, but mostly my dad writes jokes on it for my mom. I'll suggest using it for her schedule. Thanks for the idea! And thanks so much for the support. xoxo
When my dad was diagnosed with GBM in October of 2010 and we learned of the horrible prognosis, I couldn't believe that the numbers would apply to him. At 67, he was in remarkable physical and mental shape; he had been training for months and was two weeks out from competing in an Ironman triathlon. I definitely felt that if anyone could beat the disease, he could. Nevertheless, my siblings, my mom, and I - as you have done with your mom - committed to spending as much time with him as possible. I came up with the term "hoarding memories" and that became our goal, along with providing the around-the-clock care he needed and researching treatments. Less than a couple of months later, it became apparent that Dad was not going to beat the odds, and we all put our other responsibilities on hold to be with him. As you discovered, it can be cruel to realize that life goes on, while Cancer is happening and even afterwards, and somehow in the midst of it we just have to do what we think is right to balance things in the best way we can given the circumstances.
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