1) OUR MOMMY IS DYING. How can she not understand that? I'm not sure if someone has actually said those words to her yet. Your mom is dying. But I thought it was pretty clear when my dad told us "If this next MRI doesn't show improvement, we will stop treatment. It might be time for hospice", it was pretty clear. I don't know. Maybe she doesn't know what that means.
(We had that MRI today and the results were pretty bad. The tumor has spread a lot. None of the three chemos we were trying have seemed to have worked. The original tumor in the right frontal lobe has spread to the other right lobes and even on the left side. There are also small tumors now growing in the back of her brain. Every lobe of her Cerebrum now has some tumor growing in it. The only parts of her brain that don't have any tumor are the cerebellum and the brain stem. There is a spot near the right frontal lobe that looks like the tumor is now growing in the gap between the brain and the skull. I didn't even know the tumor could do that. Also, the neuro-oncologist thinks that some of the spots on the MRI may not be tumor, but might be swelling, bleeding, or infection. None of those options are good. So the neuro-oncologist thinks it's time for palliative care.)How could my sister go away for TWO WEEKS will our mom is DYING? I dropped out of school when I first learned that my mom had cancer. I would NEVER leave even for a few days! I told my sister this and she said "Why wouldn't I go to camp? I love that camp!" I responded by saying "Because our mom is sick?" She didn't have much to say to that.
I understand that she's in denial and that's one way of coping with everything, but should my dad or somebody tell her "I don't think you should go to camp this year." Would that be the responsible thing to do as the parent? But no. All he says is "We need to let her have a normal teenage life." I don't understand.
2) She's not allowed to bring her cell phone with her. So if something does happen to our mom, there really won't be an easy way to reach her. This just sounds like a horrible horrible horrible idea to me. How will my sister feel if my mom dies while she's at a stupid camp? In 30 years, how will she feel? Now maybe she hasn't thought about this, but again, shouldn't my dad have thought about this?!
3) The camp costs $2000. And I know for a fact that our family does not have the money to spend $2000 on a stupid camp. I'm so outrageously tired of watching my dad spend the tiny amount of money we have on stupid shit like a Kindle for my mom, a brand new laptop for my mom, a leased car for my mom. None of which she's every actually used!!!! And now this camp. I'm over here worried that there won't be enough money for me to even graduate college, and he's off spending it willy nilly. And then complains to me when I ask for money for some shoes! (Read about that here.) I still haven't saved any money for new shoes. I've been wearing the same 3-year-old sandals for months now. I have to go beg my college for more financial aid (again) next week, and I kind of feel uncomfortable telling them that my family can't afford this school, even though I now that we could if my dad didn't spend the way he does.
So I've been thinking about all this for the past week. I haven't been understanding my sister at all. But then today I was at Trader Joe's grocery store and the cashier asked me how I was doing. I was honest and said I wasn't having a very good day. He was very cheery (as most Trader Joe's employees usually are) and said "Well at least it's Friday! Everyone always looks forward to the weekend!"
That made me think. At first I thought "I don't have anything I'm looking forward to this weekend. Just a midterm in my summer psychology class." Then I thought "Do I have anything in my life that I'm looking forward too?" and I realized that I really don't. I mean I really really enjoy spending time with my mom, but I don't really have anything that I'm actually looking forward to. And you know what? My sister does. She's really thrilled about going to this camp. She really loves it. And who am I to take that away from her?
Okay. Well now I'm thoroughly confused. Should I try to stop my sister from going to her camp? Is it my place to do something like that? Will she hate me for it in the future? Or will she be grateful?
One thing's for sure. I really care about my sister. Sometimes I'm not sure so she cares about me though...
UPDATE: My sister has decided not to go to camp!
People cope with things in different ways. When my mum was sick my 3 brothers didn't really accept it and made little effort to try, they were in their 40's. When she died one of brothers said he thought the cancer had gone and was shocked (she was bed bound, incontinent and unable to feed herslf for the last 2 yrs so not exactly well)
ReplyDeleteMy other brother who didn't ever visit said at the funeral that he felt he had done as much as he could for her (he had done nothing) I spent months trying to get them to face that she was dying but in the end I only upset and frustrated myself. Look after yourself and don't judge how other people cope-their is no right way, but do talk to your dad about your college money worries, just pick your time and do it in a way that doesn't accuse him of overspending. Sending big hugs to you xxxxx
I understand your frustration with your sister, but as another person said people do cope differently. It doesn't mean your sister doesn't care about your mom, but maybe this is her best way of handling the stress right now.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm continuing to send good thoughts to you and your family at this difficult time. (It's me, @saproducts from Twitter!)
I hear you! Doesn't make it easier...just know that I hear you.
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