Some People Just Don't Understand

Throughout this whole experience, I've learned something very important: who I can count on for real support and who I can't.

When my mom was first diagnosed, I reached out to my friends for support. And I was hugely disappointed. Most of them had just gone off to college. They were focused on their own lives. And while they said stuff like "I'm sorry," and "That sucks," and "You can always talk to me," I never once felt like they were actually understanding what I was saying and how I was hurting.

It pissed me off that they didn't seem to care. I became very bitter. When I moved home right after the diagnosis, all my friends who were still there wanted to do was hang out and act like nothing was wrong.

I became very depressed. I was hurting and all I really wanted was to go crying to my mom for support. But I couldn't. I didn't want to burden her with my worries. She had enough on her plate to deal with.

Luckily I met someone at the community college I was going to who turned out to be my biggest support throughout this whole thing. (He's now my boyfriend.) And while it felt so good to finally have someone who actually cared about what I was/am going through, it's still frustrating that my friends just don't get it.

I'm not longer pissed off and bitter, I've learned dot accept it, but it's still frustrating.

My friend/roommate while I was studying at DePaul in Chicago also had to move back home to New Hampshire after one year because financial problems. And I periodically get texts from her (about once a week)  saying stuff like "i miss you. you should come to new hampshire." and "wanna go back to chicago with me? we could get an apartment together and pretend we didn't miss a year of each other's lives." Texts like these really irritate me. Thank you for reminding me of all the fun that we used to have in Chicago that I had to leave because my mom got terminally ill. Not helpful.

Also not helpful is that she thinks I can just hop on a plane and spend a week in New Hampshire with her. Why would I possibly be able to do that? I wouldn't be able to be so far away from my mom for so long without being constantly worried that she might have a seizure or something. And my friend just doesn't get it. She just gets gloomy and shit.

I don't know what to say to her anymore. She obviously just doesn't understand what I'm going through at all. I don't blame her. But I don't want to be constantly reminded of the fun and carefree college life I got to experience for only a hot second.

Yesterday I got a Facebook message from an acquaintance I haven't spoken to in about a year. I remember when we first met at a music rehearsal for mostly high school students. He asked me why I was there (because I was the only college student). I told him about my mom and how I had just moved back home, and he told me that his dad was a recent cancer survivor and his mom is battling breast cancer. And on top of everything, he'd decided to spend the year after high school travelling the world.  That really blew my mind. I couldn't believe that I had given everything up in Chicago to be with my mom, while this guy had chose not to give up anything. I hadn't even thought that continuing my life in Chicago was even really an option.

Anyway, I got a Facebook message from this guy yesterday and I really appreciated it:

Hey Misha, I wanted you to know that I wish you and your family all the love and strength in the world! I have so respect for what you're doing to support your mom. Although my mom's cancer is if of a different variety, I've often felt like I've been calling upon an empty universe, that no matter how much I shout out, very few people seem to care enough to do something about it. I just wanted to let you know that I care and send you the best of luck.

Sending lots of good vibes your way.

P.S. - Best of luck with the Brain Tumor Walk this year!

I think his message really says it all. Being of high school/college age, it really does feel like there's no one sometimes. No ones my age understands. Everyone's worried about trivial shit that doesn't seem important at all. Everyone just acts like everything's fine, which may be helpful for some people, but for me it's not helpful at all. I just want someone in my own age group to notice that I'm struggling and to care. 

This experience has made me turn to new people to find support. It's definitely been a learning experience and I'm actully kind of grateful.